Monday, February 15, 2010

The language of love!

Yesterday we talked about the five love languages. Dr. Gary Chapman has written a book that I highly recommend that will help you discover what your love language is and the love language of the people you love (spouse, child, co-worker, friend). We all have one. Some of us have more than one. The following list give a quick snapshot into each language. Your prompt today is to write the love languages into your journal and write about which one or ones you think might be your love language.

Words of Affirmation

Positive verbal reinforcement. If this is your love language, you feel wonderful when someone gives you a genuine compliment. You may feel insecure without encouragement or regular expressions of approval. You feel loved when your partner expresses appreciation for the small things you do.

Quality Time

Periods where you have complete attention. If quality time is your primary love language, you feel neglected without time spent specifically focused on each other, or doing something together that you love to do. You enjoy sharing things you love with others, and feel special when someone else includes you in something they are passionate about.

Receiving Gifts

Physical or visual symbols of affection. If receiving gifts makes you feel loved, that does not mean you are superficial. Some people simply respond to tangible illustrations of the love in a relationship. Different from being a "gold digger," someone who speaks this love language appreciates thoughtful, personal gifts, not necessarily dependent on price. A home-made card or tiny trinket can speak volumes, if well-chosen and suited to the recipient.

Acts of Service

Doing things for a loved one. If this is your dominant love language, you feel loved when someone goes out of their way to make things more pleasant or smooth for you. Examples include: doing chores, cooking dinner, taking care of something that would normally be your responsibility, chipping in without being asked. Most people can relate to this love language, though in very different ways, and it is extremely important to practice this love language out of genuine feeling, rather than duty, to avoid resentment.

Physical Touch

Bodily contact between people. Not restricted to sexual intercourse or intimacy, this love language encompasses all kinds of touch, from hugs to kisses to cuddling. Physical contact can be its own form of communication. If this is your love language, you need your partner to recognize what kinds of touch are pleasant and which are irritating, and focus on increasing the former and reducing the latter.


  1. I actually read this book during a very difficult time in my marriage and HATED it. Don't exactly hate it now..but don't totally agree with it. I think everyone wants all of those so called "love languages" and that's where I see the problem. Also in order for it to really work, you both have to buy in to the whole theory of it. There's the biggest problem.

  2. Sorry you didn't like the book. I have found it to be very accurate and very useful. We have five children and it is so interesting how different each of them are..even in the eway they feel love. I agree with you that we all want all five but I also think that we FEEL loved more by one or the other. For husband likes gifts but his real love languages are physical touch and acts of service. I like acts of service but my main love languages are phsical touch and words of affirmation. I know many people that it has helped!

  3. I feel that all of these love languages come to us at different times of our lives depending on how we are feeling and how those around us express their love for us.
    Hopefully each of us is loved in the manner we need when we need it the most.